Something(s) About MeTwo stillborns. Something I never thought would happen to me but it did. a part of me feels like I spoke it into existence but the other part of me knows better than to think like that.
My first stillborn (Angel) happened about 2 years after I had my first child Nyah. I had no complications with Nyah, she was born healthy and beautiful, so there was no real reason to think I'd have any problems with future pregnancies.
It was August 2006 and I was scheduled for my monthly checkup, I was 8 months pregnant. before I went in for my check up I knew something wasn't right. I was busy that day, running errands, playing with my then 2 year daughter just doing my normal thing, but as the day went on I realized that I hadn't felt my baby move in a while. No matter how still I sat or how much I nudged at my stomach, I felt nothing. When we went in for our visit, that is exactly what the doctor's confirmed. There was no heartbeat.
When I gave birth to her she looked perfect. There were no signs of complications and all the internal tests they run on stillborns came back normal. The doctor's were puzzled and chalked it up to it being a freak accident and they reassured me that the chances of this happening again was one in a million. They were wrong.
Fast forward about 1 year later my family and I had just moved from Texas back to Florida. I got pregnant again. I was the most careful pregnant woman in the world. We had the name picked out early(Raina) and I was so relieved when I had made it pass the 1st trimester.
On Thanksgiving day of 2007, we were around family and good food. It was a busy day for me so I really hadn't paid too much attention to the baby. But once things settled down and all company was gone that's when I realized that I hadn't felt my baby move in a while. I was 6 months pregnant when Raina was delivered a stillborn. After giving birth to her, they ran all kinds of tests and again, everything came back normal. I was now considered a medical mystery.
I had a really good doctor this time around, she was determined to figure out what was going on, so instead of looking for answers in the babies she started running tests on me. When you're pregnant the amount of blood you produce increases tremendously. Well, my tests came back normal but there was a slight indicator that my blood may be prone to clotting a bit more than the average pregnant woman. It gets a bit "stickier" so what probably happened was at some point a blood clot formed within the umbilical cord cutting off circulation to the babies. If I were to get pregnant again, the solution would be to give my self a blood thinning injection in my stomach EVERY DAY for the duration of my pregnancy.....Whoa!
I eventually got pregnant again and as hard as it was to do I injected myself with heparin once a day and I have to tell you, those 9 months were probably the most mentally challenging months of my life. But I dealt with it, and because this was one of those situations where it was completely out of my control the only thing I had to hold on to was my faith. I meditated, I read scriptures, I did everything I could to fight off those negative thoughts and to keep my mind as calm as possible.
I finally gave birth to Charles (Champ) on January 11, 2009 (One.Eleven. Studio). The very moment he came out and I heard his first cry, I exhaled, I felt like I could breath again. There was this huge burden that was lifted and I could now close that chapter of my life and move on to a new chapter. A better chapter.
We never know why things are happening when we are in the midst of a storm, but when you eventually make it out on the other side, you come out stronger, wiser and equipped to help others in life who are going through a similar situation because they will need you. They will need your guidance, your strength, and they will need someone who can relate to what they are going through. So you can't give up because that's not an option, you must always press forward. Always....